I'm Not Killing Santa Clause

As a preemptive strike I’m making this post. Amber is going to make a post this weekend about the number of toys that Hadley has. She is going to be cute and funny in her post but don’t give into her cleaver writing. The simple fact is my daughter has WAY too many toys. I’ll let you judge for yourself, but the pic to the keft represents just SOME (a small percentage) of the toys that she has.

To be clear I am not the Grinch who stold Christmas. I actually like Santa Clause. I'm just against any two-year-old who has more toys than I do!

To register your formal complaint against Amber please place your comment below! Thank you in advance for your support.

"Help Me" fund update: $231.30 until Amber goes to a relaxing, sunny beach.

Take the Stairs!

In Amber's blog she talks about the skinny people. I'd like to talk about the other half. An article in the Denver Post today (http://www.denverpost.com/nationworld/ci_4256156) talks about the sad state of America's waisteline. I'm proud of my honey because on her own she has been working hard to burn off the pregnancy pounds. I'm also proud of her because she has been telling the "fat" people off.

The other day she was downtown at the TJ Maxx store. She had the stroller and the store is on the second floor so taking the escalator wasn't an option. She went over to the elevator and pushed the up button and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally the doors opened and this mass of women got off the elevator. She took the elevator up and when the doors opened there was a long line of people waiting to get on. She inquired what was going on and was told that the escalator wasn't running so everyone was in line to take the elevator down one floor. Now when I say the escalator wasn't running I don't mean it was closed down completley, I just mean the stairs weren't moving so someone would have to move their legs to go down the stairs. Amber was outraged by these people's lazyness and in her typcial loud voice started asking the group what was wrong with them! I'm sure they didn't appreciate it but I'm glad Amber spoke her mind.

"Help Me" fund update: $235.12 until Amber goes on a cruise.

Some Rest Please

Between a crying newborn and a Hurricane I need some rest. My good wife took my shift late last week watching Bode so I could get some extra sleep. I returned the favor by staying up half the night.

This last weekend was one of those weekends when it seemed like someone was crying. I'm sure it wasn't that way but when you are sleep deprived everything is amplified 10 times. I thought my reprieve was going to come in the form of an afternoon golf getaway but it ended up raining so I stayed home. With the kids. And more crying.

Wanted: One night getaway. Good bed preferred. Lights optional.

To those concerned about my last post: no I don't think that John Mark Karr is part of a George Bush plot to distract from international issues. Thanks for your concern.

"Help Me" fund update: $235.88 until Amber goes from snow white to sunny delight.

He Did It...Maybe!?

Working for the newspaper you would think that I would have an inside track into Mr. Karr and his infamous admission of murder. I sent an email to the online editor at the RockyMountainNews.com hoping to get a scoop on what is happening and my sense is that nobody knows the truth except for Karr.

If you lay out all of the known facts you could easily make a case either way. The biggest problem is knowing the facts. There have already been a number of early reports that are now known to be false. Sorting through everything can be very difficult. I've switched back and forth many times in the last two weeks and still haven't landed on a spot that I could say is a strong opinion. If I were to make a guess at this point I would say he is guilty.

The only fact that you can clearly say is true is that it is better for Karr to not be on the streets. Regardless of JonBonet and the media circus, it is clear that this guy is not balanced enough to be part of society.

I have a separate theory however. I think Karr is part of a White House plot to distract from Iraq. The same is true for Israel's invasion of Lebonon. It is all part of a big plan to distract from the problems that this administration has created. In the end Bush's popularity ratings can only go up in light of recent events! Who in their right mind would say that Bush is a horrible person when watching a news report on Karr? Bush seems like a kind, gentle and rational man in that kind of light. (I should mention that I'm a republican who is trying to figure out if the Democrats aren't actually the ones behind the Karr plot. Truth will prevail eventually!)

"Help Me" fund update: $240.02 until Amber goes on a cruise. Thanks for your continued support!

She is Going to Do Great

Today (in Amber's mind) is Amber's first full day on the job. After 5 weeks of having people close by to help her with her new born she now has the opportunity to tackle both Bode and Hurricane Hadley alone. The simple fact is that Amber is more up to the job then she knows.

When I was "dating" (the quotes are a long story for another blog) Amber managed a 3 ring circus. Literally. She worked for the largest destination management company in Utah. She would have large groups come in each week and put on extravagant shows and tours for those groups. It wasn't uncommon for her to put in 15 hour days making sure the high wire acts, Olympic oval, and Mormon Tabernacle choire were all setup for the big event.

What could be more natural than to transition from this into motherhood? A high wired child, obstacle course made of toys, and a screaming child have all of the adrenaline rush and challenges of any big event!

So please wish Amber well on her next big production! She is doing great so far.

"Help Me" fund update: $249.48 until Amber goes on a cruise.

Out of the Mouth of Babes

As Amber watched her parents drive off to Canada this morning a little emotion must have been on her face as she realized she was now left alone with her two young children. Hadley, at the tender age of two, recognized Amber's mood and said, "No sad mommy, no sad." Children can be so in tune.

"Help Me" fund update: $252.17 until Amber sails in warm waters.

One Hot Topic

It was recently commented by a blogger that Amber should iron my clothes. The simple fact is that someone (and not me) would have to show Amber which end of the iron gets hot. Thanks for the good thought, but a few kind words to an old man isn't going to get the wrinkles out of my shirts.

If anyone knows a good dry cleaner please give me the word.

"Help Me" fund update: $262.21 until Amber goes from snow white to sunny delight.

Clean Underware and a Dear Old Man

To set the story straight in Amber's most recent post (the sole purpose for this blog) I did find some unmentionables in the golf bag left to me by Jesse. No it is not true that that the "diaper" was used.

I met Jesse late last year and he immediately became attached to me. He called me almost every day and it wasn't uncommon for me to get 4-5 calls from him a day. Although at times it was a bit irritating getting so many calls at work and home I knew he had good intentions. Jesse had massive health problems and didn't have the opportunity to get out much. He loved people and I think he was looking for someone to talk to. Although I planned on talking with Jesse about reducing our communications I never felt it was the right thing to do. Now I don't regret that decision at all. Jesse's time was short and it was priveledge to get to know him over a short period of time.

The moral of the story is to be nice to everyone because you never know when it might come back to be a blessing to you. The other moral is to always make sure to wear clean underware (or at least keep a clean pair in your golf bag) because you never know when it may be time to meet your maker.

"Help Me" fund update: We are only $266.89 from saying bon voyage to Amber

Where the Left Column Roams and The Nut Falls

After reading some comments and doing some testing I found that in some browsers the right hand column of my site likes to move to the bottom of the page. I'll pop the hood and see why this happening. Home sick today so I'll have to check into this tomorrow.

"Help Me" fund update: $272.88 remaining to send Amber to a nice warm beach!

The Nut Doesn't Fall Very Far from the Tree
Amber and I had an interesting conversation Saturday. Family is a wonderful thing and we really appreciate ours. We ask the question though if it is possible for family trees to grow on the top of hills? Big, tall, steep hills? Hills with long slopes that can carry the nut far, far away from the crazy, crazy tree. For the sake of my children I hope so.

Wow and Thank You!

To Manny and Others...

Thank you for your Click, Clicks! So far a whopping 35% of you have clicked the "Help Me" ads on the right hand side of the page and we are a little closer to sending Amber on a cruise. I do note that 65% of you have choosen not to click on the ads so I will assume that either you don't want Amber to go on a cruise or you would like her to go but you feel a Hunky Hubby death is a better option. ;-)

"Help Me" fund update: As of 2:55PM today we have only $279.70 remaining.

Save Hunky Hubby

Pregnancy is a funny thing. You (meaning the women) spend 9 months going through varying degrees of suffering and then at the very end all a mother can do is pray that the kid doesn't come late. Who can blame them? Back pain, sleepless nights, and not being able to see the color of the nail polish on their own toes for a couple of months isn't easy.

Then...the kid finally arrives! The joyous moment comes and the mother is delivered...right?

Wrong!

Then the real suffering begins. More sleepless nights, long days, breast pain, hormonal changes, stomach pain, screaming kid(s), idot husband (aka Hunky Hubby), and the list goes on. From the outside it is really a funny thing. For a month you hear nothing but how they want that kid out and when it does come they spend every waking hour (and there are lots of them) wondering what they have done and how they can put that kid back.

In the hopes of giving my dear wife a little get away from motherhood I have created the "Help Me" fund. I've put some ads on the right hand side of the page and all you have to do to is click an ad to help me send my wife on a relaxing cruise. So if you have any respect for motherhood or just want to give a new mother something to look forward to click one or two of the ads right now. If you don't care if my wife goes on a cruise but are against wives killing husbands I highly suggest you click on one of the ads too!

No My Dear...

Tea doesn't cook out of food. Neither does marijuana. Nor does the grey cook out of fat free hot dogs over the campfire (who in their right mind buys fat free hot dogs when your going camping!?).

He who hasn't..

Put a pacifier in a screaming kids mouth in the middle of the night, cast the first stone!

Domain Names and Children

An email from a friend recently about my son's birth announcement website (bodejohnson.com):

Did you intentionally pick a name that you knew you could get a .COM domain name?

My Reply:

Any good business these days has to check the dot com availability before registering their business. Once Bode becomes a viable commodity I didn’t want consumer confusion because they cannot easily access his website.

Is that horrible?

Yes I did

When Bode made a mess on Amber's side of the bed I did change him and change the sheets. What can I say, I am a modern man looking for a way to turn the clock back to diaperless era. A kinder and gentler time when a man came home to a warm dinner, his slippers and no diaper changing.

My Wife's Voodoo

I've always guessed that my wife had a little "Hunky Hubby" voodoo doll of me. Now my worst fears have been confirmed in today's post (see case study #2).